“Hello, my name is Jacquelyn. My friends call me Jake. As we are not yet friends, you’re more than welcome to refer to me as “kiddo.” Some people don’t like it. I am not some people.”
I looked at the fourth grade girl sitting on the couch across from me in my office. Corduroy pants, a Ramones t-shirt and a pair of Chuck Taylors. Hair was done up in two braids. She had glasses. Her hands were clasped in her lap.
I had spent everyday in college trying to master the look this girl so effortlessly was displaying. What nine-year old kid wears a Ramones shirt? I bet her mom sells artisanal soap.
“OK, kiddo. Nice to meet you. You can call me Anne,” I replied.
“Who calls you that?” Jake looked bored.
“Everyone,” I said.
“With an E?” She leaned forward slightly, peering at me.
“Yes, with an E.”
She huffed and fell back into the couch cushions, “Figures.”
Fabulous. Attitude. I set down my notebook on my desk and crossed my legs, settling back into my chair.
“So, what do you want to talk about?” I asked, lobbing the first pitch of the therapy session.
I was hoping not to jump into the reason she was in my office in the first place. I wanted to build rapport first.
“Did you know I have an emotional support animal?”
This was news to me. “No, actually, I didn’t. Want to tell me about… her? Him? Them?”
“I do. His name is Audrey. He’s my emotional support alpaca. He’s next to me right now, actually. I prefer him to be imaginary, because imaginary alpacas don’t smell. The real ones are really offensive to the nose,” she wrinkled up hers as she said it, as if a real alpaca had just shat on the floor in front of her.
I hadn’t farted, had I? No, I would have noticed. I’m focused, but not so focused I would have missed the fact I’d farted. Get it together, Anne.
I looked to the right of the kiddo, “Well, then, nice to meet you, Audrey,”
The kiddo turned and stared hard at the empty space where I’d directed my words. Her eyebrows furrowed. She paused, then nodded.
Her eyes returned to me, “Audrey says you’re a good one. He thinks our doctor-patient relationship is going to be solid, and that I’ll grow to like you more than I already do. He suggested I let you start referring to me as Jake. I realize this may seem too fast for you. Are we moving too fast, Anne?”
She’d already been seen by a number of child psychologists. I knew this. She knew this. She wanted to confirm I knew that she knew. I responded, “Nope. Absolutely not.” I turned to the empty space again and said very seriously, “Thanks for the vote of confidence, Audrey”. I looked back at Jake. “How long have you and Audrey been companions?”
She turned again, squinting. There was a long pause. I glanced at her feet. She was idly swinging them to and fro. The left shoe was untied. I looked up when she started murmuring, her voice quickly rising in a crescendo.
“Really? I mean, no, I”m not disagreeing. I trust you, it’s just that...fine. FINE I SAID FINE.” Her head whipped back in my direction.
“Audrey told me there was no reason to beat around the bush. He came into my life the same night I bit the head off my guinea pig and spat it in front of my little sister,” she looked irritated that Audrey had made her spill the beans so soon.
I glanced at the clock. Well then. Here we go.
©2020 by Kat Atwell. All rights reserved.